[vc_row][vc_column][vc_custom_heading text=”STORY OF A GAMBLER (CHAPTER 6: LOANS)” font_container=”tag:h1|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_column_text]After blowing $30,000, and bills piling up I had two options. One was to pull myself together and try and tell Annie about how I’ve been gambling for years and ask for help, for forgiveness for anything. Or I could go to my parents and tell them we’re struggling and ask for a loan.
I went home one night with the intentions of telling my wife the truth, however; I just couldn’t do it, I was too ashamed of what I had done and who I had become that I couldn’t even admit to myself that I was a gambling addict. I looked her in the eyes and at her loving smile, and instead, I just said, “I love you”.
I made a trip to my parents the next day and over dinner I asked them if they could help me out financially. I told them we were in trouble, and that we were going to lose the house if I missed another payment. My father wanted to know how I could be so broke with the salary that I made. I made up a lie. I told him that with just me working and Annie being a stay at home mom now things were tough, and we hadn’t been managing our money well at all. I also told them that Annie had no idea about our financial troubles because I didn’t want her to be bothered or stressed. I begged them not to tell her. They agreed to keep my “lie” a secret and they ended up borrowing me $40,000.
The loan helped a lot, and I ended up using half of that money to pay off some bills and our late mortgage payments but the other half I spent at what I had felt was my second home- the casino. The sad part of it is, is that I spent hours gambling every week. Even when I was supposed to be at work, I would make some excuse up as to why I was late, why I missed a meeting or even worse why I didn’t show up for court? Looking back on it now, I’m surprised my life didn’t come crashing down much sooner than it did. In fact, I think deep down a part of me was hoping that it would. If only my wife, or my boss would call me out on my erratic behavior maybe then I could have received help sooner than I did. Then again, that’s a gambler’s mentality now isn’t it? I once heard someone say that a gambler doesn’t gamble to win, they play to lose. I don’t know if that’s true or not, it seems like a pretty broad statement to me. I think a person that is addicted to gambling does it for different reasons.
Whether it’s for the thrill, the chance of winning, or as an escape mechanism, it’s hard to say. To tell you the truth, as I sit here writing this, I don’t know what the reason was for me, I know what drew me to it and that was the curiousness of what it would be like to gamble. But I have no idea why I continued gambling for so long. It wasn’t because I was depressed or hated my life. My life was perfect! It wasn’t because I wanted to lose, at least not to my knowledge. Perhaps it was the idea of possibly winning money, I’m not entirely sure but maybe one day I’ll find out.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row]